Just a short little post tonight on something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
Even since Céline was only a few weeks old, I decided that it would be ok for me to go out and leave her with other people, whether it be my husband, my parents, my in-laws or even a few close friends. I said that I didn’t want to be one of the those moms who couldn’t be away from their child. It was also a necessity since I went back to tutoring when she was only 6 weeks old. I still remember that first night when I tutored two clients back to back – I was still breastfeeding and pumping at the time and by the second hour I was going crazy being away from her. Since then it has been easier to leave her and go out and do my tutoring, or run errands or to go out in the evening with Dan when the in-laws are babysitting.
What I never expected was that I would miss her as much as I do. I am starting to realize how strong the bond between mother and child really is. When I am out – even for only an hour of tutoring – once my session is done and I am in the car, I think only of how quickly I can get home to my baby. I know she is safe and well cared for, but I have to be back as soon as possible. I miss holding her and just smelling her baby smell (well, not when she poops!). Even if I’ve had the toughest day with her, I still miss her when I’m out. And when I’m lucky enough to come home to a sleeping baby (thank-you DH), I am a bit sad that I didn’t get to hold her one more time before she slept. And I look forward to the 10 pm feed even more.
A few weeks ago, we were out visiting friends, and at around 6:30 pm, I had a strange feeling that we should go home – I wondered if she was ok. Now, I knew she was ok because my in-laws have taken care of her many evenings, and I also knew we were only 3 minutes from home so they would call if necessary – but I just had a feeling of something … turns out she had been very upset about going to bed at that time and was doing her major crying for my in-laws!! It’s the first time I truly felt that bond over a distance.
So what is the pleasant surprise of motherhood? That is turns out I am one of those moms! I really miss my baby when I’m away from her and am so happy to come home to her!!