During one of our playgroups last week, we were asked about some of the challenges we face being a parent. For me, I find the biggest challenge I face on a daily basis is all of the choices I am making on behalf of my daughter. Once of the biggest choices for me has been whether or not to put my daughter into daycare more often.
I am starting to understand why moms with one child have a nanny, or why stay-at-home moms (as opposed to work-from-home-moms) put their child or children in daycare. Being the sole entertainer for your kid(s) all day can be a challenge. Before I had my daughter, I couldn’t relate to why you would need help with only 1 child. Now – I get it. The thing is, when you are at home with your kids, you’ve got the house to take care of as well as the child. Laundry, dishes, making meals, cleaning up after meals – all of that still has to be done. Not to mention running errands and appointments.
A good friend of mine has very little help with her son. He is now 1 year old and she has had so little time for herself over the past year. I have been able to send my daughter to daycare twice a week since the beginning of September and I am going to admit that I am so happy to be able to do this. This is such a shock for me – as I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. When I realized HOW HARD it is, I found that daycare has been a lifesaver. Of course, I do work from home as well, but I could work less (my income would remain the same) and spend more time with my daughter. What’s great about the daycare we found is that she is doing developmental activities as well. She has so many different toys and activities to do there, they sing songs, do circle time, feed her fresh health foods and she’s on a regular schedule there. No one has to run to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients for dinner. No phone interruptions. No one watching Survivor (guilty pleasure). And she loves it there.
I’ve had an unusually busy week with my business, so I decided to put her in to the daycare today as well (as an extra day). She was so upset to leave when I picked her up that she refused to sit in her car seat. The bottom line here is that I’ve stopped feeling bad about my choice to send her to daycare for part of the week. It’s not what I planned and it’s not what I thought I wanted, but it turns out – this is what works!
What’s your biggest parenting challenge? Do you struggle with sending your kids to some kind of care outside the home (or do you have a nanny)? Share with us in the comments below.
I’ve had two big challenges:
1) Weaning – NONE of my kids had any interest in weaning. Which would not have been an issue had I been a SAHM, but alas, I LOVE my job so I’ve gone back to work each time. My fist actually weaned the earliest & easiest – nursing her became a fight at 13 mos, so I stopped offering and she never asked. My second was a disaster – she reverse cycled (was up every 2 hours to nurse) and refused to eat or drink at daycare – at 20 mos I had to ct her off cold turkey because she still refused to eat and wasn’t gaining. My third… She’s showing an interest in food and will drink a sippy of water while at daycare, but only wants to nurse at home. I’m optimistic that she’ll slowly wean herself.
2) Separation anxiety – by both me and my kids. Hubby works long hours and travels quite often so I don’t have much of an opportunity to be away from the kids. His work schedule has prevented him from developing a super close relationship with the kids when they’re young, so I’ve felt uncomfortable leaving them, and he’s felt uncomfortable caring for them. I’m sure this also contributed to problem #1. Without a secondary care giver there was never a reason to introduce bottles. Because the kids were never cared for by others while they were young they experienced a lot of separation anxiety when I returned to work (and I’m sure not having their only food source available also contributed).
Both of those challenges caused me to go crazy. Wanting and needing a break was always overshadowed with fear and guilt… It still is.
I hope so too – that’s a lot on your shoulders. And it’s great that you love your job! In my opinion, I think it’s great when moms go back to work because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. That makes it tough when you have to go back to make ends meet.
Julie, you are doing what works for you and your family. I think it is a great alternative. I must admit once my oldest turned 3 I was excited to put him in preschool 2 mornings a week and then three mornings a week the following year. Even his Kinedergarten was only half days. It was a great transition for us both because unlike my second child he had a little more difficulty adjusting. When my second turned 3 I knew he was ready for preschool and sent him 2 mornings a week. When we moved I had the option of putting Mason in full time day care, however I chose 3 days a week because it was a huge jump from part time. Now I am just waiting to put my youngest in 2 -3 days a week next year. I have always had at least one at home, and I am excited to move on with my life. Yes I will be busier with the school and my business, but I will always be here for my kids. The advantage of being a stay at home mom is that I do not have to look for alternatives if my kids are sick or happen to have a day off school. My summers are free for them and I do my best to do what is best for them. I am looking forward to more time to myself. With three kids it doesn’t happen very often!