My Personal Struggle to Find My Faith Has Been Worth It
In this post, I’ll be sharing with you my personal struggle to find my faith. Written over six years ago, this was the beginning of my faith journey and it’s only become more and more amazing ever since. There is also value in looking back at where we’ve come from, and I believe many of you may resonate with parts of my story. If you’re currently struggling with your faith, know that it will all fall into place in Divine timing.
My personal struggle to find my faith
One of the things I have struggled with throughout my life is having faith. What I mean is having deep, unwavering faith in my hopes, my dreams, my ability to succeed and to help others to succeed, and in myself. I have found myself in this situation more than once – things don’t go as planned or I haven’t achieved the results I expected or things just didn’t turn out how I planned. And even though it might just be a temporary set back or a lesson I need to learn, I find my faith in the goal or outcome wavers.
For those of you who understand how the Universe (or God or whomever you choose) works – it’s faith that allows your dreams to come true. It’s faith that keeps you going when times are tough. It’s faith that allows you to dream big and leads you on a path to making those dreams come true. Perhaps some of you can understand why I’ve been struggling with faith for so many years, and are possibly in the same boat.
The first steps in my faith journey
When my daughter Céline was born, for some reason, it became really important to me that she be baptized. Both my husband and I were baptized in the Roman Catholic Church and my husband even went to catholic elementary school. I never continued with any kind of religious education and did not even complete my first communion. I have been curious about church and the Bible for many years. One of my favorite courses in university was a medieval art history course, which involved reading passages from the Bible to understand more about the works of art. Even though I’ve been all over Europe, in different churches and seen a lot of medieval art in person, I still wasn’t interested or ready to go to church myself.
Now that I was looking to have Céline baptized, I realized that I would need a church! I called our local French parish and asked about her baptism. Turns out you have to go to church at least twice to have the baptism. Alright, I can do that. I started going early in January, on the coldest day of the year (it was -30C). I had planned to go a couple of times, then ask the priest about the baptism. Turns out, I actually enjoy going to church. So instead of going just once, I’ve been going ever since. And Céline’s baptism is set for the end of this month.
Why did I decide to keep going to church?
So why now? Why have I decided to go to church, as an adult, never having been as a child or even been educated at a catholic school? It comes back to having faith. I feel that going to church is helping me to develop my faith. In the catholic mass there is a point where you have a proclamation of faith: faith in the church, God, Jesus, his apostles – and we repeat it every week. I figure it’s a good place to start. And furthermore, I like the ceremony and repetition of the catholic mass, it’s comforting.
It’s an hour a week where I am away from my family, but truly recharging my spirit. To my surprise, I actually look forward to going. A few weeks ago, I even did my First Communion, so I am finally taking communion (I always felt left out – and it’s a very important part of the catholic religion).
It goes without saying that I have a lot to learn. And it surprises me that I am not only going to church, but that I am sharing it will all of you. I never expected that. Perhaps there is someone who reads this blog who is also looking for faith and may need inspiration to go to church (or even go back to church). I often feel like it’s something that people our age don’t really talk about. I will admit that it helps that I have a few friends who are open about their relationship with their church and their faith (whether it be Christian or Jewish or anything else) and that has allowed me to explore faith more deeply.
Where to go from here? Who knows at this point? I feel like a door has been opened and I’m curious about what lays beyond the first few steps. I believe that it’s a great time to build my faith in God and the Universe so that when my daughter is a bit older, I can share my faith with her and allow her to grow up with faith in her heart, just like her parents. It’s not always easy to share our faith in this world, and I want her to have a solid foundation.
Post Script – 6 years later
As I mentioned above, I wrote this post at the very beginning of my faith journey. Today, my faith is the cornerstone of my life. When I awaken, my first words are ‘Thank you God for this gift of another day’. Then I spend about three or four minutes kneeling in prayer, sending love to as many people as possible. Our family prays before we eat and I give thanks at the end of each day in my gratitude journal. I have continued to go to church, rarely missing a week. My daughter and I go together and she helps me with Sunday school. Incredibly, I have been teaching Sunday school for over 4 years and in that time, have become familiar with many bible verses and stories.
When I wrote this post, it was truly uncomfortable for me at the time. I did it from a place of service to others, in the hopes that perhaps someone who was also struggling with their journey of faith would be inspired to move forward. Today, I am very open with my faith and look to inspire others every day to start by waking up with gratitude. Gratitude is the foundation of our faith journey, no matter which direction we choose.I dream of a world were we all Wake Up With Gratitude, that would change our world over night.
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