Social Commentary

True Freedom

Written by Julie on May 18th, 2011

Last night I had the opportunity to a attend a great presentation in Toronto, with my business mentor Leanne Grechulk and another amazing female entrepreneur, Kate Northrup Moller (yes, she’s Dr. Christiane Northrup’s daughter). The energy at the event was incredible – the room was filled to capacity, in fact there were probably almost 40 people standing during the presentation. What I enjoyed most of all was the opportunity to spend an evening out of the house with good friends and to be inspired. It’s amazing how different my perspective is now that I have a child.

One of the parts of the presentation that really stood out for me was when Kate talked about Robert Kyosaki’s Cash Flow Quadrant.  Many of you have probably read Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Kyosaki. I have read it a few times, although it’s been a few years. One of the most interesting concepts that he talks about is the Cash Flow Quadrant. Kate talked about the quadrant in detail, but I’ll just summarize here. I suggest reading the book for the full picture.  The first quadrant, E is the employee quadrant. This is probably where most people fit. You work for someone else, who pays you a salary or hourly wage.  A few benefits of this quadrant include paid vacation, medical benefits and possibly (though more rarely now) a pension. A few disadvantages are that you have to work for someone else, on their schedule and you will never earn more than the boss.

The second quadrant is for those people who get tired of working for someone else, so they become Self- Employed.  I am a self-employed French tutor.  The advantage of this are that I don’t have a boss, I can choose my clients and my work hours. The disadvantages are that I basically own a job – without the vacation or benefits, because if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.  And if I’m sick or my clients are sick, I don’t get paid. And when one of my clients cancels or decides they no longer want lessons, I’m out looking for new clients again.

The third quadrant or Business Owner quadrant is where we can start to enjoy a little bit of freedom.  Here, you own a business that has a system that works for you. There are many examples of true B businesses, including network marketing, franchising or being a best-selling author or platinum artist. All of these types of businesses allow you the opportunity to make a passive or residual income, through your system. I also own a B type business in network marketing that pays me a residual income and as I continue to build it over the next few years, I look forward to being at a point of true freedom – meaning that my residual income is greater than my monthly expenses, so that whether I work or not, my lifestyle is paid for.  How cool is that?

The fourth quadrant, I, is the investor quadrant, where you money is working for you. It takes a successful B quadrant business in order to have the cash flow to really participate in the I quadrant.

Take a look at where you stand right now, are you in the E, S, B or I quadrant.  Perhaps, like me, you are in two quadrants already. I’ve been in the E quadrant before and for me, it’s not a place where I am happy. And although it’s difficult to find accurate stats, anywhere from 20-55% of you aren’t happy being an employee either.  As much as I like being my own boss as a French Tutor, for reasons explained above, this is not a business that will ever allow me to have freedom.

And that’s what this is all about – True Freedom – do you have it? Do you want it? Does you really understand what that means – and the definition may be different for many of us. I’m working towards the freedom of having a residual income that is larger than my monthly expenses – and then, we’ll be free.  We can work on building wealth from there. What do you think? What is True Freedom for you? Do you agree with Kyosaki’s model? Check in below, I’m looking forward to your comments.

 

Extreme Couponing?!?

Written by Julie on May 4th, 2011

Many of you have recently mentioned the new TLC show, Extreme Couponing. This week I finally had a chance to watch the show and see what all of the fuss is about. For those of you who haven’t seen or heard of the show, here’s the basic idea. It takes place in the States, where coupons have always been big business – with double coupon days, grocery store point rewards, Sunday paper coupons, printable coupons and electronic coupons. The people on the show are what is considered “extreme couponers” meaning that on average, they are able to reduce their grocery bill by 85-100%, sometimes getting almost $1000 of free (or nearly free) product in one shopping trip.

In my opinion, here are the pros and cons to this type of behaviour.

Pros:

  • The savings! It’s hard to argue this point
  • The stock pile – great in case of a natural disaster or nuclear bomb
  • Many donate items to local food banks and other charities
  • A chance to be on national television (on Extreme Couponing)
  • Great organizational skills

Cons:

  • The amount of time it takes to be an effective couponer (between 20-60 hours a week)
  • The stock pile – takes up a lot of space
  • Time it takes at the grocery store
  • Often end up with items you would never use (i.e. diapers when you don’t have kids)

The biggest downfall of extreme couponing is that the items that can be bought with coupons are all packaged, manufactured and often unhealthy foods. Since it’s the manufacturer who issues the coupons (Kraft, Nestle, Heinz) you have to buy their products. Have you even seen a coupon for apples or broccoli? The shopping carts are filled with such items as soda pop, vitamin water, Gatorade, cans of tomato sauce, cans of pasta (a la Chef Boyardee), cartons of snacks and cookies. In a country where there is a major obesity epidemic, why would this kind of behaviour be rewarded, since it does not promote a very healthy lifestyle?

I believe there is some kind of underlying issue that leads to this kind of behaviour. It definitely steams from a lack mentality, especially when you see people “buying” products they have no use for, but they still purchase them because they are free (or almost free) so they can’t pass up the deal. What I mean is that when people are afraid of running out of products or not having enough in their stockpile, this shows a lack mentality – so instead of believing that there is an infinite supply of everything in the universe, they are worried that they won’t have enough. Many of the people on the show did admit they became extreme couponers out of a desperate financial situation. The opposite reaction to this kind of situation would be to look for ways to increase your income, and thinking outside of the box (i.e. lost your job? Start your own business).

There is also an element of hoarding to this behaviour. The stockpiles are unbelievable and I’m certain they could never possible eat or use all of the products in their reserves.  One man had 1,000 tubes of toothpaste! The difference with this kind of hoarding is that the reserves are well organized and food is rotated so that items do not spoil.

The bottom line, coupons do have value and I personally take a look at the coupons in our weekend paper every week. And if it’s for a product I would buy regardless, I will apply the coupon. The last time I got a free item from a manufactures’ coupon was a box of Pinty’s chicken wings (for Dan) and it turns out there was more than a day’s worth of sodium in 4 wings, so we ended up throwing the rest out.  Just because it was free, doesn’t mean you should eat it!

Do you use coupons on a regular basis? How do you feel about extreme couponing? It is something you’d like to get better at? Share your thoughts in the comments.

 

Does Your Baby Sleep Through The Night?

Written by Julie on April 27th, 2011

This has to be the second most common question that new moms are asked, the first one being are you breastfeeding? The answer over here is NO. Our daughter is now 7 months old and we still haven’t figured out how to get her to sleep through the night. In fact, she still has trouble sleeping during the day as well.

Here is the challenge with this – everyone has an opinion on the topic (whether they have kids or not) and I welcome your suggestions and opinions in the comments of course – but I want to preface this post with this: All babies are different, what worked for your baby may not work for mine (or anyone else’s for that matter).

A quick look at Amazon.com and you’ll see that there are over 350 titles under the category of “parenting baby sleep”. It’s a multi-million dollar business, that’s for certain. There are many different methods from the controversial Ferber method to the more gentle Pantley sleep solutions. And yet, I still feel like we’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work. I have a few friends whose babies have been sleeping through the night since they were only a few weeks or months old. And many other friends who, like us, still wake up several times a night with baby. None of us seem to understand why we’re not able to get our little one to sleep through the night – and we have all tried many different methods.

The thing that I find difficult is that sometime it feels like a personal attack on me as a parent when I answer that, no Céline does not sleep through the night, and I am immediately offered a slew of potential solutions. I can understand that people have our best interest at heart, but I just feel like we have tried everything that we are comfortable trying. Now, we haven’t tried letting her cry it out for hours.  The few times I have tried, I am not able to get beyond 10 minutes, at that point she is almost inconsolable and often makes herself sick. For me, this is not a solution that I am comfortable with.  For many parents, they can make it through this and it seems to work for them and their babies. For me, it just feels so wrong for us that I am not able to just power through it. And what makes it even more difficult is that sometimes, the routine we have established, both for naps and bedtime, works like a charm! And other times, for reasons that are unknown, it completely fails!

So, what’s the point of this post? First, for those of you who have babies that aren’t sleeping through the night, you’re not alone.  For those of you whose babies do sleep through the night, count your blessings. And for all of you who have asked the question “does your baby sleep through the night?” know that it’s a very personal thing and that every baby is different.  And perhaps the mom you are asking really feels like she’s tried everything to help her baby sleep and she might just be looking for support as opposed to more suggestions.

The big question is: Do we buy a new Blackberry Playbook OR hire a sleep doula? Thoughts?

It’s All About Self-Confidence

Written by Julie on April 19th, 2011

Last night we were treated to an amazing team call with Britt Michaelian of Work Smart Mompreneurs. Her message was right on the money for me.  It was all about boosting your self-confidence.  For many of you reading this blog, you can relate to times in your life when your self-confidence has been lower than usual.  And becoming a new mom can often be very challenging on your self-esteem as you often wonder if you’re doing it right or being a great mom! I wanted to share two points that she brought up last night that really hit home for me.

First, being a good listener.  What does that have to do with your own self-confidence? It’s really about engaging with other people and really getting to know them, understanding their challenges and sharing their difficulties or celebrating their successes. What I’ve noticed is that when I get together with other moms, it tends to be a time when we either dump on each other about all of the difficulties we’re having or we are sharing our baby’s latest milestones.  I feel like often we’re not really listening to each other, sure we’re sharing similar challenges sometimes, but once in a while it’s nice to share either your challenges or your successes without having some else “one-up” them. If you catch yourself preparing your reply or response in your head while the other person is talking, you’re not really listening with your full attention.  I am guilty as charged! And am working on recovering this skill.  How good does it feel when someone shares a success with you and you can just listen to them and be happy for them without having to share your story too? Pretty amazing!

Second, surrounding yourself with successful, focused people. This is such an important thing for us, especially new moms, since we are often desperate for adult interaction in our lives. Who is it that we are choosing to spend our time with? Are we spending time with people who are bringing us up? Or with people who are allowing us to stay in the negative and are ok with us complaining?  Or even worse, are we choosing to spend time with people who we aren’t comfortable with and we feel worse after spending time with them? I have a friend who has been in this kind of situation for over a year, and I can see how much damage it has done to her self-confidence. I recommended spending time with more encouraging and positive people in order to repair her self-esteem.

So, what can we do to make changes in both these areas of our lives? Once a day, when engaging in a conversation with a friend, partner, child, co-worker – take the time to clear your mind of any other thoughts and just listening. Resist the urge to share your story when they are done.  Wait until they have finished speaking, pause and perhaps ask them a question to further the discussion. Second, find time this week to do something or attend an event where there are positive, friendly and encouraging people, whether it be a live event or a webcast or even just watching an inspirational DVD.

What will you do this week to increase your self-confidence? Check in below!

Have A Little Faith

Written by Julie on March 10th, 2011

Time to explore a topic that I haven’t really touched on yet in this blog, but it’s something that is important to me and I’m sure it’s a part of many of your lives as well.

One of the things I have struggled with throughout my life is having faith.  What I mean is having deep, unwavering faith in my hopes, my dreams, my ability to succeed and to help others to succeed, and in myself.  I have found myself in this situation more than once – things don’t go as planned or I haven’t achieved the results I expected or things just didn’t turn out how I planned.  And even though it might just be a temporary set back or a lesson I need to learn, I find my faith in the goal or outcome wavers.  For those of you who understand how the Universe (or God or whomever you choose) works – it’s faith that allows your dreams to come true. It’s faith that keeps you going when times are tough. It’s faith that allows you to dream big and leads you on a path to making those dreams come true.  Perhaps some of you can understand why I’ve been struggling with faith for so many years, and are possibly in the same boat.

When my daughter was born, for some reason, it became really important to me that she be baptized. Both my husband and I were baptized in the Roman Catholic Church (yes, we’re French) and my DH even went to catholic elementary school.  I never continued with any kind of religious education and did not even complete my first communion. I have been curious about church and the Bible for many years.  One of my favorite courses in university was a medieval art history course, which involved reading passages from the Bible to understand more about the works of art. I’ve been all over Europe, in different churches and seen a lot of medieval art in person.  Yet I still wasn’t interested or ready to go to church myself.

Now that I was looking to have Céline baptized, I realized that I would need a church! I called our local French parish and asked about her baptism.  Turns out you have to go to church at least twice to have the baptism.  Alright, I can do that. I started going early in January, on the coldest day of the year (it was -30C).  I had planned to go a couple of times, then ask the priest about the baptism.  Turns out, I actually enjoy going to church. So instead of going just once, I’ve been going ever since.  And Céline’s baptism is set for the end of this month.

So why now? Why have I decided to go to church, as an adult, never having been as a child or even been educated at a catholic school? It comes back to having faith. I feel that going to church is helping me to develop my faith.  In the catholic mass there is a point where you have a proclamation of faith (at least in French we do) – faith in the church, God, Jesus, his apostles – and we repeat it every week. I figure it’s a good place to start. I also like the ceremony and repetition of the catholic mass, I find it comforting.  It’s an hour a week where I am away from my family, but truly recharging my spirit. I actually look forward to going, to my surprise. I even did my First Communion a few weeks ago, so I am finally taking communion (I always felt left out – and it’s a very important part of the catholic religion).

It goes without saying that I have a lot to learn.  And it surprises me that I am not only going to church, but that I am sharing it will all of you. I never expected that. Perhaps there is someone who reads this blog who is also looking for faith and may need inspiration to go to church (or even go back to church).  I often feel like it’s something that people our age don’t really talk about.  I will admit that it helps that I have a few friends who are open about their relationship with their church and their faith (whether it be Christian or Jewish or anything else!) and that has allowed me to explore faith more deeply.

Where to go from here? Who knows at this point? I feel like a door has been opened and I’m curious about what lays beyond the first few steps. I believe that it’s a great time to build my faith in God and the Universe so that when my daughter is a bit older, I can share my faith with her and allow her to grow up with faith in her heart, just like her parents.

Check in below, if you’re comfortable. It’s not always easy to share our faith in this world but I’m always eager to read what you have to say.

A Pleasant Surprise of Motherhood

Written by Julie on March 1st, 2011

Just a short little post tonight on something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

Even since Céline was only a few weeks old, I decided that it would be ok for me to go out and leave her with other people, whether it be my husband, my parents, my in-laws or even a few close friends. I said that I didn’t want to be one of the those moms who couldn’t be away from their child. It was also a necessity since I went back to tutoring when she was only 6 weeks old. I still remember that first night when I tutored two clients back to back – I was still breastfeeding and pumping at the time and by the second hour I was going crazy being away from her.  Since then it has been easier to leave her and go out and do my tutoring, or run errands or to go out in the evening with Dan when the in-laws are babysitting.

What I never expected was that I would miss her as much as I do. I am starting to realize how strong the bond between mother and child really is. When I am out – even for only an hour of tutoring – once my session is done and I am in the car, I think only of how quickly I can get home to my baby. I know she is safe and well cared for, but I have to be back as soon as possible. I miss holding her and just smelling her baby smell (well, not when she poops!). Even if I’ve had the toughest day with her, I still miss her when I’m out. And when I’m lucky enough to come home to a sleeping baby (thank-you DH), I am a bit sad that I didn’t get to hold her one more time before she slept.  And I look forward to the 10 pm feed even more.

A few weeks ago, we were out visiting friends, and at around 6:30 pm, I had a strange feeling that we should go home – I wondered if she was ok.  Now, I knew she was ok because my in-laws have taken care of her many evenings, and I also knew we were only 3 minutes from home so they would call if necessary – but I just had a feeling of something …  turns out she had been very upset about going to bed at that time and was doing her major crying for my in-laws!! It’s the first time I truly felt that bond over a distance.

So what is the pleasant surprise of motherhood? That is turns out I am one of those moms! I really miss my baby when I’m away from her and am so happy to come home to her!!

Anyone else know what I mean? Does it change or go away with time?

The Joys of Being a New Mom

Written by Julie on February 22nd, 2011

After a few posts about the unspoken challenges of motherhood, it’s time to take a look at the other side of the coin. Sure, being a new mom is really tough, but there are some truly amazing parts to the job too!

Whether you carried your child in your womb for 9 months, or whether your child was adopted, there is something really special about the bond between a mother and her child. For me, this bond has really become much stronger now that Céline is almost 5 months and we’re out of the craziness of the first 100 days. She will be my daughter, forever.  And that’s really special.  Sure, I knew what it was like to be a daughter and the love I have for my mother – but it’s different when the relationship is the other way around. I truly never knew I could love someone so much!

Many of you read about my struggles with breastfeeding and now, I’d like to add it to my list of joys in our lives. Once I gave up the pills and the pumping, and just enjoy having her nurse, it’s become something I look forward to.  She does get formula in bottles but we are still enjoying that special time together, sharing something that is truly a mother’s gift to her child. I was certain that I would have given up on breastfeeding by now, but I’m not ready to and neither is she.  One of my favorite times to nurse and feed her is at 10 pm. That’s when I do her “dream feed” – that is, feed her while she is still asleep. Often my husband has put her down to sleep while I’m out tutoring, so I haven’t held her in 4-5 hours.  I pick her up from her crib and she snuggles into my shoulder.  She finds a way to nurse, still asleep in my arms. It’s a quiet time and it allows me to just hold her and enjoy her little feeding noises.

Another wonderful thing about being a new mom is the connections you make with other new moms!  Going through the good, the bad and the ugly together really brings people closer. And there is always something you can learn from other moms, those that are at the same stage as you are and those that have much more experience. I’m blessed to have a great circle of girlfriends with children the same age as Céline, so that our kids can grow up together (at least for now since we all live in Burlington).

Now that Céline is a bit older, she is much more interactive as well.  She has also found her voice, so she likes to talk and sometimes scream (in happiness).  We can get her to laugh and giggle, which makes us laugh even more. She is learning to sit up on her own and loves to have help to sit and stand up. It’s true that all of the little milestones are very exciting. We’ve also started to figure her out a bit more, we can (for the most part) understand her different crys now.  Of course, I’m not always able to console her, but there is a certain pleasure in knowing that my child and I can communicate on some level and I’m not always guessing.  Figuring out when she’s tired has been a big step, so now she is napping better and is a happier child all around. To me, this a joy in our lives right now!

Finally, I have to say that baby snuggles and hugs are just the BEST! I love holding her when she’s in a cuddly mood and feeling her heartbeat on my chest. Even if she’s crying and I’m trying to console her by rocking her in my arms, I still love it. She is a much heavier baby now, of course (around 15 lb), but I will hold her and carry her as long as I possibly can.  That is the true joy of being a mom!

Please check in on the comments below, I’m sure there are many more joys of being a mom, new and more experienced of course. We’d love to hear from you!

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