I’m grateful to be the mom of a singleton…and I’m not going to defend my choice any more
I am a mom – with ‘only’ one child. She’s a beautiful three year old girl who melts my heart and makes me tear my hair out all at the same time. And the question I get asked most often these days (without judgement I assume) is: Are you having just one?
I make it a practice in my life to live daily gratitude, which means that I think about gratitude a lot. In fact much of my day is spent thinking about gratitude. I even wrote a book about it. And every day I am so very grateful to be blessed with one perfect child. Yet I often feel like I have to defend my decision and explain why we ONLY have one. Other moms of singletons will understand what I mean. I can only imagine how much harder it is for those who are trying to have more children but have not been successful yet. So, once and for all, I’ll give you our reasons – only if you promise not to ask me again, ok?
We had always planned to have at least two children. I got pregnant fairly easily with my first, but it was not a fun experience for me. The first trimester nausea and the last trimester carpal tunnel (I couldn’t feel my fingers for three months) made the whole experience not something I wanted to repeat. Without a doubt, it was all worth it on the day she was born. Just over a year ago, I got pregnant again and enjoyed the same nausea as before until about 13 weeks. Just as I thought I was in the clear, I miscarried at 15 weeks. I have since found out that many women do miscarry after 12 weeks, but it’s just not common knowledge. And when that child’s spirit left my womb, I knew that I was done having kids. Not because of the miscarriage but because of the whole experience of the second pregnancy.
And you know what? I have become even more grateful for the one child I do have, having been through this experience. I have found so many reasons to be grateful:
- We’re done with diapers!
- No need to store all of the infant toys, clothing and accessories
- More freedom to travel (fewer plane tickets to buy)
- We’re never out-numbered
- It seems easier to make time to focus on her and to play with her
- Saving for her future education seems like a reasonable task
- We have so many options for a new car (not limited to a van or SUV)
- Cost of activities and future sports is also much more reasonable (we may even let her horseback ride or play hockey!)
The point is it doesn’t really matter how many children you do or don’t have. I’m fairly confident that every person has exactly the right amount of children they are meant to have – whether it’s zero or twenty. So next time you meet a parent who ONLY has one child, try to refrain from asking why only one – for the exact same reasons why we don’t ask Julie Cole why she has 6.